Im a fool for you.

i give him too many chances. when will i stop? he always bails on me and i just say "ohh its okay next time". i gotta stop at some point. he's driving me nuts. ARG.i wanna rant but i cant think of much cause all my anger was from last night not so much today so i have nothing really to say. my point is that i hate getting hurt all the time, their is not one night where i dont go to bed and think about all the things that must be wrong with me that he decides to do this to me. and then while thinking about being fat, ugly, and gross, i start to think about how much i get shit on in life by everyone, from family to classmates. i hate it. i have no one in my life. no one that cares. everyone just uses me and then throws me out when im not needed.

anyways im hungry cause im fat sooo im going to eat something good.

Ima playa? SAY WHAT?!

i came to my attention that im kind of being a player now that im single. i dont really see it. its not like im dating 10 different guys. im just hanging with three guys, im not with any of them. im just seeing whats out there.

so one of these boys is my good friend (whos name doesnt need to be told). i kindda always had a little thing for him and i still do. and we recently hung out and uhh made out lol. he wasnt the best kisser but i blame it on the fact that he only kissed one other girl before and he was really high like so high his heart was beating like 100 a minute he just couldnt control himself. anyways because i like even though he wasnt to good and kissing, im gunna try and teach him.

but i still cant seem to deminish the fact that i really like my other guy friend but he doesnt like me back. and i think he's been avoiding me cause ive been trying to talk to him but he hasnt been responding. :S he is definately my dream boy but i cant make it happen. im too young for him and im not his idea of the perfect girl. but i wish i was.

Beat the insecurities out of me

i broke up with my boyfriend again. were remaining friends this time. which is good, hard... but good.

in the meantime my ex andy m. is telling me he thinks i might be his one love. i find that hard to believe. 9 months of crying cause he said he didnt love me anymore and then he comes back and says im confused with my girlfriend cause i think your my one love. what total bull. i cant believe this. how can he be doing this do me. it really hurts. and he doesnt seem like he has very good intentions if he is telling me all this meanwhile having a girlfriend. anyways i have plans to hang out with him on friday. doubt it will happen cause everytime ive made plans with him there was always an excuse. and i said to him " i hope you dont have an excuse last minute lol" completely kidding and he just starting getting so defensive. and ive noticed since ive been talking to him on facebook. he always says something like i miss lets get together soon, and ill respond with a yeah what do you wanna do? then i hear nothing for a good month then i just say ok fuck it nvm, then he starts rieling me back in with the same stuff everytime. ughhh why do i let myself fall prey for him?

Home life is okay, for the meantime. Sam is cool and such but kindda controling and she doesnt even live here yet. she sometimes tell me to call her daughter sister.... she not my fucking sister. ive known her for less then a month hell no. my ACTUAL sister katie thinks shes up to something. maybe she is idk. i hope not that is. cause i like how my dad hasnt been drinking as much and how meals are cooked and there is structure to the household. but who knows. after times of good, comes times of dread.

On another note,
i know my dream boy. but im not his dream girl. how typical.
and how sad. but one day maybe he'll change his mind. until then im happy just being single and ready to mingle lol.

Chocolate Ice Cream Mmmmm

So i dont blog as much as i want to but i hope to once i get a new chatger for my laptop.

anyways so from my last post i had broken up with my boyfriend. well were back together.
the boy i wanted to kiss at the show turns out didnt like me how i thought he did. meh no loss. :P
my dad has a new girlfriend sam. she is real nice. so is her daugther. i dont know her sons much but they seem alright. we've only known them for a bit and my dad wants them to move in. :S
wayyyyyyyy to soon. whoa whoa whoa............. i heard someone yell ice cream. shit i gottta go. Mmmmmmm ice cream. :)