Number 5

Part one: Misrable at best

im extremely angered with myself. i found im having this challage i've been avoiding for sometime now. Loving someone when your hearts not completely there is more difficult than anything. And how do you tell someone that? you dont. you hide it away or like a pussy, you blog about it. im working on it, with my counsellor, my friends and that one person i long for. Maybe it was too early to start dating again. but i dont regret it. Alot of the happiness and laughter wouldn't have been spent if i were not to say "took you long enough".

Part two: 11:11 make a wish

What im trying to say is that, your the reason why i do the things i do.i stay out late to spend more time with you. i wake up in the morning and go to school, for you. i work, to take you to the movies, which you love. You asked me why i love you, and heres why:
your smile, its contagious.
your eyes, sparkling and blue.
your likes and dislikes, are so common to mine.
your handsome, though you dont agree, but you should
your voice, hearing i love you + best feeling of life.
your touch, sends shivers down my spine.
your kiss, makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter like crazy & the little things but there isn't enough room to write them all

Part three: actions speak loader than words

Another thing, on saturday night, i dont think i've ever felt more close to anyone in my life. There is so much passion and intensity that goes into what we share. When i reminice, i feel that rush of passion and i cant wait to feel it again. i loves you, smiles and such. :) <3

whats done is done.

i no longer worry about being used. last night was a vast change. i almost view things entirely differently now. i have no need to take apon situations as i would have. i shouldnt think and refer the past. it already happened and there is no way of stopping it again its tracks. i was treated bad, and i could be again. but i trust in my instincts that i wont. im happy. things are going well and im even starting to listen to joe. cheers to happiness & love.

good things come in small packages.

alittle song im working on. verse one: starshines in the form of words. it spells out my love for you. haven't you heard?....chorus: im oh so glad, oh so glad your mine. you raise me high, higher into the sky. ....thats all i got so far. =)

Lucky or Luckless?

The home life is unsettling at the moment. Joe thinks its okay to drink, smoke dope and verbally abuse his children. i hope he gets cancer. My suck-up for a brother stands at my fathers feet, kissing them and nagging him along about false statements. The sister isn't too bad, although she needs to be more considerate. i do so much for her and she takes it for granted. i skipped out on family day and counselling, to spend more time with the one person who actually makes me happy. Andy. his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his touch, his humorous attitude makes me gush. Oh fancy, i rhymed. i kinda sorta love this boy. i want to show him how much i really do, and the only idea that pops in my head reminds me of what i used to do to reassure someone of that, and look where that got me. I was lonely and depressed for 2 whole months but then this silly little boy came along and swept me off my feet. But my decision is final, i love him so whatever it takes to show him, ill do it. Not saying its a bad things and i don't want to, just that i don't wanna end up in the same mess as before when i gave up my v-card for someone i thought who loved me. but i believe this boy loves me back. So Saturday, Saturday will be the day. I'm excited, but until then I'm happy enough to just hold his hand on this journey called life.

Live long in prosper.

Over the course of this week, iv'e came to really get to know a lot of new people. i feel a sense of belonging and love. i never knew i could feel this way again, after that tragic end of relations. my heart does still wonder off sometimes, trying to reach out for the past, but since a while ago my heart has had distractions. sudden rushes of emotions have swept through my body, like wind brushing through my hair. now i forget about the past to give room for the present and future to grow. although i really want to go further into new relations, i cant help but fear for the worse. i fear that im going to be used once again. i really like this boy, maybe even love. i dont want to rush, but i cant seem to help myself. and now i regret my past decisions, cause now iv'e become one of those people i daily talk about behind thier backs. im ridiculous. but in all hopes i wish for the best, eveynight at 11:11. as for this weekend, i havent been this happy in my entire exsistance. spending time with the one i care the most about. tonight i will dream. a sweet dream, that weakens the knees.